Commander Whatever

Find me elsewhere

2008-05-08T11:39:00.000-05:00

I never update this.

I'll know my grades by next Monday, but I either made 2 A's or an A and a B, so although I didn't stick to my guns about personal accountability, I still did well.

If you want to read something more often than every 6 months, visit my Tumblr.

Thanks.

More updates

2008-01-27T22:37:00.000-06:00

Missed Algebra on Thursday, but still went to turn in homework.

So I haven't missed any homework, and haven't missed History yet.

A short update

2008-01-17T09:04:00.000-06:00

I've been to class every day.

All of my test dates are in my planner and on my google calendar with the appropriate reminders set.

I went to Hailey's last night. Never even got to hear Alan Palomo spin, thanks to my extremely fickle, "well this boy wants us to do this so lets go even though we've only been here an hour and a half and no one has even gotten here but it's whatever" friends. But still had a good time.

Now I'm tired and I'm having trouble processing the work flow that is coming to me.

Poor Me Syndrome

2008-01-14T11:09:00.000-06:00

Last night, I was really feeling the symptoms of my Poor Me Syndrome, which I just realized shortened is PMS. But that's not the point.

I'm sure there's a better (see: real) name for this, but I like this term.

My outbreak was spawned by a conversation with my girlfriend and my roommate about their class schedules tomorrow. For those who don't know, I was put on academic suspension after the fall semester, and as a result, I'm only taking 6 hours at a community college this semester.

What my problem boiled down to was that I'm failing in school and struggling in life in general, but I had to wake up this morning at 7 to go to work, whereas girlfriend and roommate don't have to wake up till 10 for class.

I was further irritated by the fact that I have to work 30 hours a week to barely sustain myself and they have everything paid for and have excess.

I was also irritated that they got to sleep late, yet had good grades and are halfway towards graduating, whereas I've barely started when you consider all the classes I have to retake. This also spawns some more long-term fears, but that's for another time/thought process.

The poor me thought is: why do I have to work twice as hard as the majority of my peers, only to fail while they succeed? How do I overcome this feeling of unfairness and failure so that I can be productive and achieve my long-term goal of becoming a psychotherapist?

The first thought that comes to mind is to drop some of my responsibilities so that my resourves are better distributed, and I did that this semester. I'm only taking 6 hours. However, 6 hours every semester is not a feasible long-term option, so this is only a band-aid for a larger problem.

Quitting my job, or even cutting hours, is not a feasible option. I'm barely making it, and my parents can't afford to offer any more than they already do.

So then the only solution becomes to learn better management. Damn.

My grades improved last semester from the two before it. A 2.0 semester GPA still sucks, but it's better than the 0.9 semester GPA I had the semester before it. But from this I can derive a new goal: Improve my grades again this semester.

Now, let's put this as a tangible, definite goal: Achieve a minimum of 3.5 GPA for Spring 08 semester. I know I'm more than capable of this. This goal is not unattainable. I can do it.

On the surface, this appears to be a precise goal. But if you think about it, it's rather encompassing and has many routes. So to increase my chances of success, I need to break this goal down into even smaller goals.

1.) Enter all deadlines in planner as soon as I become aware of them.
2.) Every Friday afternoon, after work, at 3pm, enter all dates into Google Calendar, and set up e-mail and text reminders for 2 days before the deadline approaches.
3.) For assignments that are given during the week and due that same week, the first thing I will do every day after I get home from class is put a notecard with the assignment on the board by my desk.
3.) Do not miss more than 2 class periods for any given class the entire semester.
4.) "I'll do it at work before class" is not an acceptable excuse for procrastination. Finish homework assignments before the day of class.

Summarized: I feel that life has dealt me a shitty hand lately. I'm feeling jealousy against those around me who have what I perceive to be a good hand. I feel like I can overcome this with the use of precise, attainable, short-term goals. My first goal of this semester is to achieve a 3.5 semester GPA at NCTC. To do this, I will enter all deadlines in my planner as soon as I'm aware of them; on Friday afternoons at 3pm, I will transfer all dates from my planner into Google Calendar with e-mail and text reminders for 2 days in advance; for assignments due the same week they are assigned, I will make a notecard for this assignment on my board first thing after coming home from class; I will not miss more than 2 class periods for any given class this semester; and I will finish my homework before the day it is due, rather than using the "I'll do it at work before class" excuse.

I've always been stronger than the crap I've dealt with before, and this time won't be any different.

10 Essential Items - James Holloway

2008-01-09T14:07:00.000-06:00

Every two months or so, I'll find my way to men.style.com. This is the online home of GQ and Details magazine. I don’t really get much out of their extensive coverage of the seasonal runway shows, but I do enjoy their monthly feature of 10 essential items as chosen by some men’s fashion designer.

Although I would agree with many of these things, the majority of them are beyond the budget of a part-time employee/full-time student. So I began to think about my own 10 essential items; the 10 things that make my material life what it is.

This is what I came up with.

1. Diet Coke

I can’t speak highly enough of diet coke. This is what I grew up drinking, and I’ve enjoyed it even more since I became a diabetic.

2. House Slippers

I get mine from Target. Cheap, comfortable, and (at least in my office) work appropriate. I live in mine.

3. iTunes

From home to work to the places I take my laptop, iTunes provides the soundtrack to my world.

4. Express Design Studio Dress Shirts

Their fitted dress shirts such as the 1MX shirt are the perfect affordable dress shirt. I can’t think of a time I’ve worn one when I wasn’t complimented at least once.

5. Infinty Speakers

Even the low-end Reference series 10” subwoofer I have in my car sounds amazing. A quality product at a competitive price.

6. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

I grew up on this movie. I’ve made memories involving this movie. I love this movie.

7. Neutrogena Men Shave Cream

The Art of Shaving would tell you that this stuff is terrible, synthetic crap. But if you aren't going to use natural shave creams, lathered with a badger-hair brush, this stuff is amazing.

8. Zippo Lighter

If you need to light something on fire, Zippos do it in a better, more sophisticated way.

9. Jimmiez Boot Cut Jeans

I’d never heard of this moderately-priced “surf store” until I went to the Mall of America. Most of their clothes aren’t something I’d wear, but these are my favorite pair of jeans I own. They fit like a dream.

10. Guitar Hero

Air-guitar just got upgraded. Cliché, but I love it.

Lost and Paranoid in Denton

2007-11-26T15:08:00.000-06:00

i don't blog regularly, and when i do blog, it usually leans towards a funny story or a song i've been listening to a lot. however, i've got a lot on my mind and in my heart. it needs to be written out. and if someone has an opinion, it might be worth hearing. so i'll write somewhere that it might be seen.

christmas is fast approaching, and with it comes the end of the semester. i feel confident in my grades, which actually worries me more than if i were struggling. this confidence, on some level in my mind, encourages coasting to the finish. i need the grades to remain at unt. i'll be suspended if i don't make a 2.5 this semester.

with the end of the semester also comes the end of my current job. the 21st is approaching much faster than i thought it would, and i've realized i have no leads at all on a new job.

my financial situation is as poor as ever. my parents realized that, try as i might, i can't be completely self-sufficient on $9.25 an hour. so they asked me to create a detailed estimate on how much i spend on what, and then we would work together on a good dollar amount to give me each month to help support me and alleviate some of the stress i've been having. but we never really worked out the amount, and the way it's worked out so far is that i, again, ran out of my money before my next paycheck, and my dad has transfered minor amounts of money to me twice. so i'm still as stressed and still as broke. i really can't see how things are going to work out at this point in time.

i have an endless list of goals. i write out plans towards achieving them with realistic milestones along the way. i try to do them one at a time. but when it comes down to it, all i ever want to do is sit, and nothing gets done. the constant busyness of being a full-time student, working 28 hours a week, and trying to maintain relationships burns me out towards all three. i'm failing at all three.

everyone and everything that is supposed to be my support just seems to let me down. whether this is their fault or mine is yet to be determined. but more and more, the ends seem unattainable from the means, and i wonder what i'm doing at all. i wonder what the ends even are.

i had the most perceptible mood swing i've ever had saturday evening. i could literally feel my mood dropping in my body, falling into the all-too-familiar hole of depression. i remember thinking how short thanksgiving break felt after looking forward to it for so long. and i started to think about how close christmas break is. but when i thought of christmas break, all i thought of was loneliness. everyone will be gone, off with their families and old, familiar friends. i'll be here, finishing out my commitment to a job i'm already burnt out on.

i'm already paranoid about friends. i have some strange feeling that everyone i associate with actually can't stand me, and they put on the smiles out of pity and decency. this gets stronger everyday, and it's gotten to a point where i lay awake thinking about it.

summarized: i'm lost, tired, burnt-out, lonely, and paranoid. i can't see the light at the end of it all. i would go home, but i don't even know where home is anymore.

MissingToof

2007-09-24T10:27:00.001-05:00

I just want to make sure that everyone is spending a lot of time at MissingToof.com

This blog has endless amounts of music I've been wanting to learn more about since I was 10. Yeah, I've wanted to learn more about vulgar dance music since I was 10.

Vulgar song of the day? A new Spank Rock and Benny Blanco joint titled "Loose". They're going under the name of Bangers and Cash, and it's featuring Amanda Blank, so you know this one gets it goin' with the sailor talk. Click it, fools.

Basura - Bjorkyard Betty (Spank Rock vs. Bjork)

2007-09-10T23:02:00.000-05:00

I was browsing over at missingtoof.com and found an excellent track that everyone needs to hear.

Spank Rock vs. Bjork.

Ballin'.

Click this link to the view the blog post, man.

Santogold

2007-09-07T16:45:00.000-05:00

Revamping the site.

Music post?

Si.

"Creator" by Santogold

Right-click to save: Santogold - Creator

Politics

2007-02-23T13:11:00.000-06:00

I've just been reading through some of the most idiotic political debates I've ever seen. In a facebook group titled "Hillary Clinton as President = Texas Seceding From the Union".

In the begining, all members of the debate try to put on an air of formality. They base everything on "facts", and write as if they were the hottest little shits this side of the Mississippi. But then they start getting into name calling and party bashing, ruining any type of credibility they may have gained for themselves.

The following quote comes from one Dan Garcia, who apparently is the President of the Brazos County Young Republicans. I point this out not to make sure that you, the reader, know he's a republican. Rather, I tell you this to make sure you know he is someone in a leadership position, quite possibly with hopes of entering the political arena some day.

Now, get the hell out of my precious State of Texas, you liberal hippie!

Way to be professional there, Dan.

This is why I hate politics.

Open your minds. And I speak towards all parties.

Cowbell

2007-02-20T15:27:00.000-06:00

I don't want to fuck you.
I don't want to fight you.
I just need final confirmation
That I didn't miss my flight.

I'm not shallow.
I'm just lonely.

Run.
I'll be here.
Run.
It's the red eye's last call.

Sunday Traditions

2006-11-08T14:55:00.000-06:00

On our way home from Jaimeson's house this past Sunday, Kate, Natalie, and myself went to Chip's in Oak Lawn.

For as long as I can remember, Sundays have, for the most part, always been the same. We would wake up, have breakfast with the family, and go to church. After church, we would choose from a short list of Sunday usuals for lunch, kill some time in the area of the restaurant after lunch until Mom went to work, drive home, and then sit around (or more often, lay around) for an hour until Elation. Elation would end around eight, then we would eat some fast food, go home and do homework that wasn't done the rest of the weekend, and then go to bed.

It was always like this.

Chips is on the short list of Sunday usuals. Going there fulfilled the part of me that seeks normallicy. It felt really good.

Now if only we would of had time to go to Crate and Barrell. Or the Apple store.

Life changes

2006-10-28T15:51:00.000-05:00

I spend a lot of time sitting around, clicking the "next blog" link that is at the top of all blogger blogs. I read about all sorts of different types of people's lives. And I spend a lot of time thinking to myself, "man, I wish I had a life like one of these."

For some reason, I seem to think that I don't have a life.

I think some of it has to do with the fact that within the past year, I've gone through 3 major styles of living. First, we had fall of '05, when I was a regular high school student. I had lived that life for a while, so I was pretty used to it.

Then quite abruptly, I left high school and went to community college. I didn't have to wake up at 7 anymore. I didn't have to put up with (as much) bullshit. I didn't sit around in classrooms all the time. I had more freetime. I spent more time in the city than I had since I moved to Wills Point. Then that was over.

Summer came. I got my first job. I got into a pretty monotonous routine. Sleep late, sit around until work, go to work, go to Mandy's, and then come home, go to bed, and do it again the next day. I got used it to.

Now I'm a full-time college student. I have one of the nicest dorms in the building. I have an amazing girlfriend. I have amazing friends. I have a good job that pays well.

But it feels so temporary, as if it's on the verge of ending soon.

I really think that this has to do with the fact that for the past year, I've been changing my lifestyle over and over, and my internal clock is starting to think that another change is coming. But it's not. And I need to remind myself of this.

I have a good life. I am happy.