Poor Me Syndrome

Last night, I was really feeling the symptoms of my Poor Me Syndrome, which I just realized shortened is PMS. But that's not the point.

I'm sure there's a better (see: real) name for this, but I like this term.

My outbreak was spawned by a conversation with my girlfriend and my roommate about their class schedules tomorrow. For those who don't know, I was put on academic suspension after the fall semester, and as a result, I'm only taking 6 hours at a community college this semester.

What my problem boiled down to was that I'm failing in school and struggling in life in general, but I had to wake up this morning at 7 to go to work, whereas girlfriend and roommate don't have to wake up till 10 for class.

I was further irritated by the fact that I have to work 30 hours a week to barely sustain myself and they have everything paid for and have excess.

I was also irritated that they got to sleep late, yet had good grades and are halfway towards graduating, whereas I've barely started when you consider all the classes I have to retake. This also spawns some more long-term fears, but that's for another time/thought process.

The poor me thought is: why do I have to work twice as hard as the majority of my peers, only to fail while they succeed? How do I overcome this feeling of unfairness and failure so that I can be productive and achieve my long-term goal of becoming a psychotherapist?

The first thought that comes to mind is to drop some of my responsibilities so that my resourves are better distributed, and I did that this semester. I'm only taking 6 hours. However, 6 hours every semester is not a feasible long-term option, so this is only a band-aid for a larger problem.

Quitting my job, or even cutting hours, is not a feasible option. I'm barely making it, and my parents can't afford to offer any more than they already do.

So then the only solution becomes to learn better management. Damn.

My grades improved last semester from the two before it. A 2.0 semester GPA still sucks, but it's better than the 0.9 semester GPA I had the semester before it. But from this I can derive a new goal: Improve my grades again this semester.

Now, let's put this as a tangible, definite goal: Achieve a minimum of 3.5 GPA for Spring 08 semester. I know I'm more than capable of this. This goal is not unattainable. I can do it.

On the surface, this appears to be a precise goal. But if you think about it, it's rather encompassing and has many routes. So to increase my chances of success, I need to break this goal down into even smaller goals.

1.) Enter all deadlines in planner as soon as I become aware of them.
2.) Every Friday afternoon, after work, at 3pm, enter all dates into Google Calendar, and set up e-mail and text reminders for 2 days before the deadline approaches.
3.) For assignments that are given during the week and due that same week, the first thing I will do every day after I get home from class is put a notecard with the assignment on the board by my desk.
3.) Do not miss more than 2 class periods for any given class the entire semester.
4.) "I'll do it at work before class" is not an acceptable excuse for procrastination. Finish homework assignments before the day of class.

Summarized: I feel that life has dealt me a shitty hand lately. I'm feeling jealousy against those around me who have what I perceive to be a good hand. I feel like I can overcome this with the use of precise, attainable, short-term goals. My first goal of this semester is to achieve a 3.5 semester GPA at NCTC. To do this, I will enter all deadlines in my planner as soon as I'm aware of them; on Friday afternoons at 3pm, I will transfer all dates from my planner into Google Calendar with e-mail and text reminders for 2 days in advance; for assignments due the same week they are assigned, I will make a notecard for this assignment on my board first thing after coming home from class; I will not miss more than 2 class periods for any given class this semester; and I will finish my homework before the day it is due, rather than using the "I'll do it at work before class" excuse.

I've always been stronger than the crap I've dealt with before, and this time won't be any different.